Behind the Holiday Lights: The Silent Struggles of Christmas

The holiday season is a special time when stores are flooded with red and green, and holiday music and television find their way into our homes to spread holiday cheer. While it might be the most sought-after holiday for kids, the holiday season isn’t a joyous time for some adults. In fact, for some, it is a painful reminder of those who passed on or a reminder that grudges outweigh the Christmas spirit. Both of these take a toll on our mental health during the season.

Some of my fondest memories come from when I was a child around Christmas. The extended family would travel a few hours to open presents and have a holiday feast. Both grandmas would cook away while cousins threw the football around in the backyard. A smorgasbord was presented, and everyone dug in, filling their bellies with their favorite dishes. Cards and board games were played deep into the night, hugs were exchanged at the doorstep, and talks about next Christmas were already in the works. Those were my memories of Christmas until the age of seven. The following Christmas was filled with divorces and families taking sides.

Needless to say, the following Christmases never got better. From that time on, Christmas wasn’t joyous. It was a painful reminder of the past and the family I lost. Christmas became a trigger for my mental health. I grew depressed in the days leading up to Christmas, and all I wanted was for it to be over.

I hid my feelings and put on a “happy face,” but I was hurting so much inside, and the holiday season became something I dreaded. I wish my story was unique and only applied to me. In fact, so many people have stories of how painful the holiday season is. I’ve heard stories about how grudges reign supreme over forgiveness. I have seen how people can’t put aside their differences for one night to make the holidays special for kids. I have seen how, when the matriarch passes away, it breaks the family, and they go their separate ways. Life isn’t like the Christmas movies- sometimes, there is no happy ending. For some, it tests our mental health because, at one time in our lives, that day was the most special day of the year. 

So, what can we do to heal our holiday heartache? The first thing we can do is forgive. We can forgive our inner child for the pain attached to this beautiful season. We can forgive others and recognize that life is filled with mistakes and no one is perfect. We can lean into hope. I hope that the people who have done us wrong in life will learn from their mistakes and seek forgiveness. We can be the bigger person and accept their apology. We can be mindful that many people are struggling with their mental health during this time of year, and we can go out of our way to make them feel special, even if it’s just for a brief moment. Whatever “it” is, we must look deep inside ourselves and put words into action.

My personal call to action is to give back to the age group where my most precious and joyous moments came in my youth, which was visiting Santa. One night a year, I visit an elementary school and dress up as Santa. Even though Christmas is a trigger for my mental health, I put that aside and give back to try to create positive and lasting memories for those children because those memories still stay with me to this day. That is what the holidays are about—making them memorable. For one night a year, the adults in the room can put their differences aside and make it special. We all have an inner child in us who wants to be loved, and even if there are no kids in the room, the adults can lean into their inner child for one night. Is that too much to ask?

Make this holiday season memorable not only for you and your family but for others as well. There are so many gifts we can give without spending a dime. We can give our most precious commodity, which is time. We can look deep inside ourselves and offer forgiveness. At the very least, we can provide others with the gift of understanding. Acknowledge the pain others may carry during the holidays, and remind their inner child that they are seen, valued, and appreciated. 

What gifts will you give this holiday season?