Holiday Harmony: Protecting Your Inner Peace at Thanksgiving

As the holiday season approaches, the warmth of family gatherings comes with the potential for tension. Plans are being made, visits with extended family are in the works, and there's a chance that not everything will go smoothly. Whenever family and friends gather, there's always a chance for controversial conversations. Some of these topics may not align with our beliefs, forcing us to make a choice—defend our stance or stay silent. Both options—speaking up or staying silent—can impact our inner peace and mental well-being.

The beautiful thing about people is that we are all different, shaped by our unique life experiences. However, those experiences also define our beliefs, and the reality is that not everyone will think the same way. When we sit down at the Thanksgiving dinner table or during a holiday get-together, we have to remember that not everyone will see eye to eye.

A good mindset to adopt before heading into a holiday event is to strive to keep the peace—not just for others but also for ourselves. If we choose to engage in a conversation that clashes with our beliefs, we may end up defending ourselves instead of having a pleasant discussion. Sides get taken, and people turn against each other, creating a disastrous holiday experience. The holidays should bring us closer, not tear us apart.

Keeping the peace isn't easy. It requires us to bite our tongues, but if we don't, it can leave a wake of painful emotions that last for years. For example, for 15 years, I had Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve dinner at my mother's house. Then, a few weeks before Thanksgiving in 2016, my mother abruptly decided to stop hosting and declared that she wanted nothing to do with the holidays anymore. I was blindsided when I asked why; her answer wasn't what I expected. Her response felt like a blow to every holiday movie I'd ever seen: "It's not who you spend the holidays with; it's where you spend them." She then listed all the ways I had fallen short of her expectations as a son.

Unfortunately, this sparked an argument, and we've never found common ground since. That Thanksgiving shattered our bond as mother and son. Sure, we had many unresolved issues, but things were never the same after that. Love was replaced with animosity, and hate took over instead of forgiveness. Forgiveness and love are what the holiday season is about, but I haven't felt that in years.

Now, I'm left with a question: Should I have kept my mouth shut, or should she not have said anything? It's probably a bit of both, but once that cat is out of the bag, it is hard to put it back, which makes holiday dinners so difficult. They become a pressure cooker of joy, unresolved emotions, and expectations. They can either give us peace and happiness or break our inner peace. 

Our inner peace is vital for our mental health; the holidays test our inner strength. Achieving peace often comes down to making a conscious choice—and being at peace with it. Sure, we might not agree with someone at the moment, but sometimes it's best to let it go for the sake of our inner peace. Yet, many people try to force their beliefs on us, test our patience, and wear us down to prove they're right. In those situations, I'd say, leave. Walk away from the conversation, find something else to do—help in the kitchen, play with the kids, or just escape that triggering talk. If it's destroying your inner peace, sometimes you need to call it an early night.

Inner peace isn't just a dream; it requires hard choices, some of which we may not always like. We must accept that holidays can be volatile and not always the perfect Norman Rockwell scene. This sounds simple, but it's tough because some of the people causing us pain are family. Their words can cut deep. To protect our inner peace, we need to stop comparing our experiences, heal at our own pace, create boundaries, and lean into forgiveness. We can only control our choices and actions, and accepting things as they are is critical to maintaining our inner peace. 

When you find yourself at the family table this year during holiday dinners, remember that you are in control of yourself. Don't let someone's words or actions destroy your inner peace. The holidays are supposed to be special, like memories in a scrapbook. They should be filled with positive memories for both kids and adults, but sometimes, the adults act like the kids. I have many positive holiday memories, but the most powerful ones are when I let someone ruin my inner peace. That's on me. Let me leave you with a hard life lesson I learned about the holidays: sometimes things are better left unsaid.